“What’s your secret?” asked the desk clerk as we checked into a hotel to celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary. I quickly answered that there is no secret, and, after taking more time to think about it, I sincerely hope that “Golden Couples” is not considered an exclusive club or secret society. Therefore, in an effort to make sure that our “non-secret” is open to all, I will share it now with you.
At one time, I believed that the Bible had very little to say about marriage, especially because I could not think of even one married couple in the Bible that I admired. I now understand that rather than point us to imperfect relationships, the Bible leads us to the only perfect marriage – the one between Jesus Christ and his Church. This perfect marriage is described in Ephesians 5:22-33. Here, Jesus is called the husband and the Church is called the wife. Two key words in this passage are submission and love. Love, in this passage, is defined as giving up oneself for the other. It means serving. It means presenting the spouse in the best possible light. It means cherishing and nourishing so that a spouse is able to thrive. Submission is a response to love, rather than to authority. It is giving oneself completely to the one who has proven his love.
The opposite of love and submission is domination and selfishness. Marriages do not survive when one member believes that the relationship exists for their own benefit and pleasure. So, before getting married, I would urge you to consider how interested you are in serving the one for whom you have fallen. Will you want to serve him or her even if she or he does not give back? Can you love him or her even as Christ loves his imperfect Church? Will you submit to their love, or seek to control?
If you desire marriage, I urge you to first commit your life to Jesus Christ, and then commit yourself to unconditional love. This is the secret.